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Suppporting Your Child's Social/Emotional Stability and Growth
Supporting Your Child’s Social/Emotional Stability and Growth
Dr. Steve Sherman, Head of School
A few weeks ago, I made a presentation to our Palm Valley parent community titled, “Supporting Your Child’s Social/Emotional Stability and Growth”. It centered around three main topics:
1) Discussing the child development stages of social/emotional health from birth through high school,
2) What parents can do to aid and support their child’s social and emotional health and growth, and
3) How schools, and Palm Valley School in particular, serve to support healthy social/emotional growth for their students.
The stages of child development and how they were related to social and emotional health were discussed and are summarized in the charts below:
Birth to Kinder (Toddlers: 0 to 5 yrs old) | Kinder – 5th (Emerging Pre-Teen: 5 to 10 yrs old) | Middle School (Pre-Teen: 10 – 14 yrs old) | High School (Teenager: 15 – 19 yrs old) | |
Overall Focus | Senses – Taking in Information through sight, smell, feel, etc. | Fitting In – Routines, compliance (Curiosity abounds) | Self – Testing boundaries (Change is a constant) | Outside World & The Future |
Environment | The Child is the center of the world | The Child belongs to a family or ‘group’ | The Child is part of a close knit “pack” | The Child is a member of a global world |
SEL Major Influencers | Limited to parents + immediate family | Family (Parents) + close friends | Friends + Social Media | Broad circle of friends + outside adults/social media |
Parental Influence | Massive – Controls the child’s environment | Considerable – Models appropriate behavior | Some – Questioning Status Quo (Parents not always right) | Limited – Child seeks autonomy |
Parental Location | Extremely Close | Nearby | Distanced “Boomerang affect” | Faint – They want to Fly! |
Child Identity | Unaware – But realizes there are others | A ‘school’ persona develops | Have multiple personas: School, Family, Online, Peers, etc. | Formed a preferred path/identity |
Communication | Verbal: words and word pairs (Visual communication is important) | Consistent verbal – sharing Writing/reading make their debut | May move towards the extreme: “chatting” or withdrawing | Less with family – More with the outside world |
SEL Skills | Birth to Kinder (Toddlers: 0 to 5 yrs old) | Kinder – 5th (Emerging Pre-Teen: 5 to 10 yrs old) | Middle School (Pre-Teen: 10 – 14 yrs old) | High School (Teenager: 15 – 19 yrs old) |
Empathy | Limited – but eager to help | Caring about others and realizing that their words/actions impact others | Respect for others, Accepting responsibility for their words/actions | Respect, compassion, understanding for others |
Listening | Carefully listens to adults | Listens, but may be distracted | Listens (Not just to what they like) | Active Listener |
Talking | Learning to use/choose words to express themselves | Choosing positive, healthy words | Healthy, positive talking when it is appropriate | Taking initiative to speak – when appropriate |
Routines | Struggling to learn them | Follows them | Follows, but questions | Less Important |
Relationships | Heavy parent/sibling connections | Parents/siblings/small groups (Belonging to a team matters!) | Developing healthy, mutually-supportive relationships | Creating healthy, mutually-supportive relationships that endure |
Emotional Intelligence | Recognize and label emotions | Identifies more nuanced emotions such as shame, guilt, joy, etc. and needed skills such as grit, resilience, etc. Learns to deal with setbacks | Seeks guidance on how best to navigate social situations. Develops Grit/Resilience and the “Disappointment Muscle” | Learns to navigate new challenges of anxiety, fear, etc. Possesses grit/resilience & Takes appropriate risks |
The discussion on how parents can best support their child’s emotional stability and growth was based upon the book, “Raising Kids, Your Essential Guide to Everyday Parenting”, written by Sheri Wong, LCSW, and Olaf Jorgenson, EdD. Highlights of that discussion include the following points:
- Home is where kids practice and learn how to operate in the world
- A child’s Social/Emotional Learning is ALWAYS being shaped, from birth to early adulthood
- There isn’t one way to support SEL growth – approaches are different for every child – even within families
- Best parental practices include:
- As parents, first sit down and discuss/decide what is important to you and then share those with your child
- Don’t overwhelm them – Identify and focus on what is most important in that moment
- Develop the ability to have conversation and decision-making processes that are without emotion
- Remember that your child is acting in a normal age-appropriate way (see the charts above)
- “Be curious, not furious” – ask questions to get more information
- Be on the same side as your child. Seeking to control your child’s behavior casts them as adversaries to be outwitted
- They need to know that you love them – even when you are upset or don’t agree with them
- Keep things in perspective – “Don’t make a moment, an event”
- Exercise their “Disappointment Muscle” – Setting reasonable limits is a loving act that provides them with tools or a template to react/cope with setbacks
- Be clear and consistent about expectations and limits
The presentation closed with a discussion of the role that schools and Palm Valley play in helping students develop healthy social/emotional traits. Schools provide the following supports for student social/emotional growth:
- Structure and Stability - The routines of school help provide consistency and expected community norms that are predictable and supportive
- Opportunities for both healthy risk and failure
- Experienced, dispassionate adults that both model and serve as guardrails for student behavior, decisions, and actions
- Tiered opportunities for student voice and autonomy
At Palm Valley, we support our students’ social and emotional health and growth in a variety of ways including:
- Clearly communicated non-negotiable standards for student behavior
- An appropriate balance of structure when needed and flexibility when warranted
- Our Preschool SEL curriculum: Second Step Learning
- The use of Restorative Classroom and daily community gatherings such as Morning Moments in our Lower School
- Our advisory program, our new partnership with The Social Institute, and community gatherings such as Morning Soar in our Middle and Upper Schools
The support of all students’ social and emotional growth is a shared goal of both parents and Palm Valley School staff and faculty. It is our sincere hope that this blog helps to support that goal.
Palm Valley Private School occupies 34 acres in Rancho Mirage with stunning mountain views. The campus features separate campuses and buildings for each of our four divisions – Preschool (ages 18 months to 5), Elementary (Grades K-5), Middle School (Grades 6-8), and High School (Grades 9-12), along with a full-size gymnasium, several separate recesses and athletic fields, a black box theater and smart lab.
35-525 Da Vall Drive, Rancho Mirage, CA 92270 | Phone: (760) 328-0861 | Fax: (760) 770-4541
